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2024-11-27

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Anthony Correa
2024-11-27 15:17:10 -06:00
parent f9f6565eaa
commit 1f8231e955
116 changed files with 1048 additions and 741 deletions
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94
.eleventy.js
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@@ -3,10 +3,11 @@ const handlebars = require('handlebars');
const sass = require("sass");
const pluginRss = require("@11ty/eleventy-plugin-rss");
const handlebarsHelpers = require('handlebars-helpers')
const markdownit = require('markdown-it')
const md = markdownit()
const htmlmin = require("html-minifier");
const { DateTime } = require("luxon");
const utilsPlugin = require("./utils/plugin");
require('dotenv').config();
module.exports = function(eleventyConfig) {
@@ -15,96 +16,17 @@ module.exports = function(eleventyConfig) {
eleventyConfig.addPassthroughCopy("content/episodes/**/*.jpg");
eleventyConfig.addPassthroughCopy("content/episodes/**/*.webp");
eleventyConfig.addPassthroughCopy("content/episodes/**/*.png");
eleventyConfig.addPassthroughCopy("content/images/*.jpg");
eleventyConfig.addPassthroughCopy("content/images/*.webp");
eleventyConfig.addPassthroughCopy("content/images");
eleventyConfig.addPassthroughCopy("content/feeds/*.jpg");
eleventyConfig.addPlugin(utilsPlugin, {immediate: true});
eleventyConfig.addPlugin(handlebarsPlugin);
eleventyConfig.addPlugin(pluginRss);
handlebarsHelpers({
handlebars
})
eleventyConfig.addFilter(
"seasonEpisodeFormat",
require("./filters/utils").seasonEpisodeFormat
);
eleventyConfig.addFilter("formatDate", (date, format = "MMMM d, yyyy") => {
return DateTime.fromJSDate(new Date(date)).toFormat(format);
});
eleventyConfig.addFilter("episodeNumber", function (s, episode) {
return episode ? Number(episode) : Number(s.replace(/[^0-9]/,''))
});
eleventyConfig.addFilter("episodesInSeason", function (season) {
return this.eleventy.collection.episode.filter(ep=>ep.season == season)
return episode ? Number(episode) : Number(s.replace(/[^0-9]/,''))
});
eleventyConfig.addFilter("extractUniqueTags", function (object, tagPrefix = "") {
// Flatten all pages into a single array of items
let allItems
if (object.pages) {allItems = object.pages.flat()} else { object }
// Extract the desired property from each item
const extractedValues = allItems
.map(item => item.data.tags)
.flat(); // Flatten arrays if the property contains arrays, like tags
// Filter for unique values with the "campaign" prefix
const uniqueValues = [...new Set(extractedValues)]
.filter(tag => tag.startsWith(tagPrefix));
return uniqueValues;
});
eleventyConfig.addFilter("findPageByTag", function (tag, collections) {
// Split the tag to get the collection name and slug
const [collectionName, slug] = tag.split(":");
if (!collectionName || !slug) {
console.error(`Invalid tag format: "${tag}". Expected format "collection:slug".`);
return null;
}
// Ensure the collection exists
const collection = collections[collectionName];
if (!collection) {
console.error(`Collection "${collectionName}" not found in collections.`);
return null;
}
// Search for the page in the inferred collection
// TO-DO: this logic will break once we get into season 10, since season 1 will match 1 and 10
const matchingPage = collection.find(item => item.fileSlug.includes(slug));
// Return the matching page (or null if not found)
return matchingPage || null;
});
// Shortcodes
eleventyConfig.addPairedShortcode(
"prologue",
function(content) { return `<h1>Prologue</h1><hr><section class="prologue">${md.render(content)}</section>` }
);
eleventyConfig.addPairedShortcode(
"masthead",
function(content) {
return `<hgroup class="masthead" markdown="1">${md.render(content)}<time datetime="${this.page.date.toISOString()}">${this.page.date.toLocaleDateString()}</time></hgroup>` }
);
eleventyConfig.addPairedShortcode(
"headline",
function(content) {
return `
<hgroup class="headline">${md.render(content.trim())}</hgroup>` }
);
eleventyConfig.addPairedShortcode(
"alternateTitles",
function(content) { return `<section class="alternate-titles"><h1>Alternate Titles</h1><hr>${md.render(content)}</section>` }
);
eleventyConfig.addTransform("htmlmin", (content, outputPath) => {
if (outputPath.endsWith(".html")) {
return htmlmin.minify(content, {

1
content/campaigns/campaigns.hbs
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@@ -2,7 +2,6 @@
layout: "base-with-heading"
override:tags: []
---
<h1>Campaigns</h1>
<div class="campaigns">
{{#each collections.campaign}}

3
content/campaigns/crew-of-the-kahuna.md
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@@ -8,13 +8,12 @@ system:
url: https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/starwarsrpg/
date: 2021-04-26
pagination:
size: 5
size: 10
alias: "episodes"
data: "collections.campaign:crew-of-the-kahuna"
generatePageOnEmptyData: true
reverse: true
---
It is a messy time for the galaxy. The Rebel Alliance blew up the Empire’s Death Star, which was great—except now everyone’s angry, and the galaxy’s gone full chaos mode.
While the big players duke it out, countless planets suffer under Imperial oppression. Some brave souls escape to the galaxy’s lawless fringe, where freedom is up for grabs, provided you don’t get blasted, robbed, or eaten first.

3
content/campaigns/junkfort-boyz.md
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@@ -7,13 +7,12 @@ system:
name: Blades in the Dark
date: 2023-04-05
pagination:
size: 5
size: 8
alias: "episodes"
data: "collections.campaign:junkfort-boyz"
generatePageOnEmptyData: true
reverse: true
---
In the electrified, shadowy streets of Doskvol, the Junk Fort Boys—a distinctive crew of eccentrics—tackle a series of misadventures.
The team includes Squish, a formidable fighter known for his culinary misadventures; Djuckles, a tinkerer with a knack for improvisation and occasional nut-punching solutions; and the Captain, an avid reader and drinker with a penchant for the occasional explosive.

3
content/campaigns/rick-and-morty.md
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@@ -7,11 +7,10 @@ system:
name: Dungeons and Dragons
date: 2022-08-05
pagination:
size: 5
size: 11
alias: "episodes"
data: "collections.campaign:rick-and-morty"
generatePageOnEmptyData: true
reverse: true
---
When Morty sees a cute girl at school playing Dungeons & Dragons, he asks Rick to show him the ropes, only to discover that his grandfather is a veteran gamer. Next thing he knows, the entire family has been pulled into a campaign that escalates from virtual D&D simulations to alternate universes governed by the rules of the game. And as it turns out, Rick isn't the only one who knows his way around a d20.

2
content/css/s05.scss
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@@ -47,7 +47,7 @@
padding-right: 1ch;
margin-bottom: 1em;
date {
date, time {
float:right;
}

7
content/css/style.scss
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@@ -102,10 +102,9 @@ body {
transition: color .2s ease-in;
}
}
// .card img {
// height: 150px;
// width: 150px;
// }
section {
margin-bottom: 1rem;
}
}
header {

2
content/data/site.js
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@@ -2,6 +2,6 @@ require('dotenv').config();
module.exports = function () {
return {
url: process.env.SITE_URL,
cdn: process.env.CDN_URL
cdn: process.env.CDN_URL,
};
}

2
content/data/site.json
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@@ -3,5 +3,5 @@
"name": "Anthony Correa",
"email": "a@correa.co"
},
"title": "Crew of the Kahuna"
"name": "Crew of the Kahuna"
}

6
content/episodes/episodes.11tydata.js
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@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
const {seasonEpisodeFormat} = require('./../../filters/utils');
const {seasonEpisodeFormat} = require('../../utils/filters');
module.exports = {
"layout": "episode",
@@ -8,8 +8,8 @@ module.exports = {
"image": "{{page.url}}/../image.jpg",
"podcast": (data) => {
return {
"enclosureUrl": data.podcast.url ||`${data.site.cdn}/${seasonEpisodeFormat(null, data)}.mp3`,
"title": data.podcast.title || `${seasonEpisodeFormat(null, data)}: ${data.title}`,
"enclosureUrl": data.podcast.enclosureUrl ||`${data.site.cdn}/${seasonEpisodeFormat(null, data).toLowerCase()}.mp3`,
"title": data.podcast.title || `${seasonEpisodeFormat(null, data)}: ${data.title || "Episode " + data.episode}`,
"image" : data.podcast.image || data.image || "{{page.url}}/../image.jpg"
}}
}

6
content/episodes/s01/e15.md
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@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
---
title: "You Shot a Container, then Fell Over"
episode: 15
date: 2021-04-26
---
Mack shot a gand in the gonads and finally got some alone time piloting the kahuna, RX-78 notched a few more kills and reunited with a droid comrade, and Sarn got slapped again, this time for a crude gesture made while trying to woo a woman in front of her brother.
{% summary %}
Mack shot a gand in the gonads and finally got some alone time piloting the kahuna, RX-78 notched a few more kills and reunited with a droid comrade, and Sarn got slapped again, this time for a crude gesture made while trying to woo a woman in front of her brother.
{% endsummary %}

17
content/episodes/s01/e16.md
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@@ -1,16 +1,11 @@
---
title: "I Thought You Were Outside"
episode: 16
date: 2021-05-03
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
<section class="prologue"><div>
# Episode {{episode}}
## HOMECOMING!
The crew finds themselves back on Tatooine, with Sarn Turbo and RX-78 having hitched a ride aboard the Lucky Guess and with Mack Skyblade close behind piloting the Kahuna Wave. After spending some time getting reacquainted with Vorn and R5-K3 and a detour through Shantytown, the group has reunited on the streets of Mos Shuuta. Now the crew must find a way to escape Teemo the Hutt's bounty before it comes to them. How will our most wanted heroes evade this wretched hive of scum and villainy....
Mack twicely blaster-thumped a kubaz, Sarn has an odd association and/or obsession between ryll canisters and penises, and RX was definitely not outside but instead played heavy by menacingly standing over the shoulder of his crewmates during tense situations.
</div></section>
**Homecoming!**
The crew finds themselves back on Tatooine, with Sarn Turbo and RX-78 having hitched a ride aboard the Lucky Guess and with Mack Skyblade close behind piloting the Kahuna Wave. After spending some time getting reacquainted with Vorn and R5-K3 and a detour through Shantytown, the group has reunited on the streets of Mos Shuuta. Now the crew must find a way to escape Teemo the Hutt's bounty before it comes to them. How will our most wanted heroes evade this wretched hive of scum and villainy....
Mack twicely blaster-thumped a kubaz, Sarn has an odd association and/or obsession between ryll canisters and penises, and RX was definitely not outside but instead played heavy by menacingly standing over the shoulder of his crewmates during tense situations.
{% endprologue %}

19
content/episodes/s01/e17.md
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@@ -1,19 +1,14 @@
---
title: "We're Going to Betray the Hell Out of Him"
episode: 17
date: 2021-05-10
---
{% prologue %}
**Thwacked!**
After reuniting at Mos Shuuta, the crew has found themselves newly acquainted with STARBASS, a drug dealer operating out of the cantina. He seems interested in the plot the crew has presented regarding TEEMO THE HUTT and his more senior Hutts. He has agreed to be shown evidence at the landing bay.
<section class="prologue"><div>
However, the RX-78 and MACK SKYBLADE found bumping into THWEEK again in the cantina was too much of a coincidence. The kubaz was dealt with, but not before he radioed a message to someone.
## THWACKED!
But to whom....?
After reuniting at Mos Shuuta, the crew has found themselves newly acquainted with STARBASS, a drug dealer operating out of the cantina. He seems interested in the plot the crew has presented regarding TEEMO THE HUTT and his more senior Hutts. He has agreed to be shown evidence at the landing bay.
However, the RX-78 and MACK SKYBLADE found bumping into THWEEK again in the cantina was too much of a coincidence. The kubaz was dealt with, but not before he radioed a message to someone.
But to whom....?
Starbass, a small dreamer, was killed for giving the crew a good idea. Mack hid and shot a walkway down, pinning some thugs for RX to jam his rifle trying to kill, but allowing Sarn to get off a one-liner before inevitably murdering him. RX's knowledge of battledroids came in handy, but his knowledge of the average size of Kubaz's penis did not.
</div></section>
Starbass, a small dreamer, was killed for giving the crew a good idea. Mack hid and shot a walkway down, pinning some thugs for RX to jam his rifle trying to kill, but allowing Sarn to get off a one-liner before inevitably murdering him. RX's knowledge of battledroids came in handy, but his knowledge of the average size of Kubaz's penis did not.
{% endprologue %}

6
content/episodes/s01/e18.md
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@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
---
title: "I'm Upset From All My Failures"
episode: 18
date: 2021-05-17
---
RX bonded with a fellow “comrade” droid head and got a tingle in his pingle. Mack was somewhat confused as to the many changes in the plan, but did get to bumble around the Hutt palace in goggles. And Sarn succeeded at exactly zero checks. Oh, also, did I mention Trex?
{% summary %}
RX bonded with a fellow “comrade” droid head and got a tingle in his pingle. Mack was somewhat confused as to the many changes in the plan, but did get to bumble around the Hutt palace in goggles. And Sarn succeeded at exactly zero checks. Oh, also, did I mention Trex?
{% endsummary %}

68
content/episodes/s01/e19.md
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@@ -1,11 +1,69 @@
---
title: "Flashback: You're a Terrible Child"
episode: 19
date: 2021-05-24
---
# Prequel!
{% prologue %}
**Prequel!**
In a time before the Kahuna Wave, Sarn Turbo was a young bounty hunter. A steady work flow came from Teemo the Hutt, sometimes the work was dirty, but it paid the bills, and bought the Ryll. The Twi'lek was earning a reputation as a bounty hunter who could get things done and wasn't afraid of a fight.
Mac Skyblade was a smuggler with a mysterious past. He too, finished contracts and was starting to garner a reputation of his own as a man who somehow may take a round-about way to the end goal, but still crossed the finish line.Pinned down on the edge of Shantytown, Sarn Turbo has brought the most recent bounty to a safe-house, now awaiting "The Smuglord" to help bring the bounty home.
Mac Skyblade was a smuggler with a mysterious past. He too, finished contracts and was starting to garner a reputation of his own as a man who somehow may take a round-about way to the end goal, but still crossed the finish line.Pinned down on the edge of Shantytown, Sarn Turbo has brought the most recent bounty to a safe-house, now awaiting "The Smuglord" to help bring the bounty home.
{% endprologue %}
{% summary %}
* Sarn Turbo meets Mack Skyblade for the first time to transport Beb Bibo, son of Bob Bibu
* Sarn usually collects bounties on runaway clones. Caught the attention of Teemo since he was really good at it. Went home to vist his sister, Teemo blackmailed Sarn into doing work for him
* Bounty is just a crate at the edge of Shantytown,
* Been told that it’s hot cargo. Needs to transport it in a truck into town. It’s a truck: Sibatt’s Luarels.
* Mack is looking for safehouse, pulls up into town, the address is written on his hand. Sarn is waiting in the safehouse
* The last number of the address is smudged on his hand.
* Mack goes to the wrong house. It’s a Geonosian in a bathrobe. He slams the door on Mack
* Sarn hears this thinks it might be the person he needs to meet, he knocks form the inside of the door.
* Sarn tells him to go around back, and he lets Mack in.
* They both have their hands on their blaster.
* Sarn has the crate in the safehouse, shows it to Mack. They try to open the crate. He is unsuccessful
* The crate is rocking back and forth.
* They hear yelps from inside asking to let it out.
* Mack has been locked in a similiar crate before. He does a gesture on it (like the fonz) and pops it open.
* A child walks out, Ortolanwith a pet lothcat. The child says he needs to use the bathroom. The child says the cat’s name is wallace. Sarn tells him to find a corner to pee in.
* Mack asks Sarn what his name is, Sarn responds that his name is Wallace, Mack responds that his name is Mack.
* The child introduces himself as Beb Bibo. Sarn tells him to get back in the crate. He sits legs folded in the crate.
* They close the lid. The child groans.
* They load the cart into the speeder truck.
* They move across town, are stopped by stormtroopers. They ask for ID. Mack’s ID says “Mack Von Skyblade”
* The stormtroopers want to inspect the cargo. Mack tells them the flowers are awfully smelly. “Hutts smell like butts, am i right?” the stormtroopers laugh and wave him on. Sarn tells him never to tell another pun.
* Mack continues to drive through shantytown, he is driving someone conspicuously and being are noticing.
* There is a bridge between shantytown and Mos Shuuta. They’re is coming up on the bridge, Mack knows there will be an inspection.
* They open the crate to ask if the kid has papers. Beb says it’s very hot in the crate. Beb does not have papers.
* Mack has materials to make papers for Beb. His new name will be Bee-Bop.
* Mack asks why he was kidnapped, he doesn’t know. He thinks it might be because of his father. His father is a famous musican Bob Bibu
* Sarn has seen his photo on the side of a milk carton, they know they will be looking for him.
* He needs a different name, and begs for it to be Frankenstein. Mack wants it to be rocksteady, and he writes it down as rocksteady anyway.
* Mack gives Sarn his pistol to hide while he points it at the kid.
* Beb sits in Sarn’s lap.
* They drive to the checkpoint. They are asked for papers.
* Beb Bibo says “I am frankenstein”, but his papers say “Rocksteedy”. Mack is unsuccessful in deceiving the stormtroopers.
* They say Frankenstein sounds made up, Beb says “it’s a family name” and Mack says “no it’s not a family name, you have no family” this saddens beb.
* They let eventually them through
* They drive up to the cantina. There are a lot of people moving musical instruments in and out of the cantina.
* They back the speeder truck out and try to blend in as roadies, they try to carry the crate into the cantina
* They are stopped by a Gamorrean guard.
* They try to lie that it’s a autodrum
* The crate pops open, Beb Bibo pops out. Sarn pistol whips him.
* The guard recognizes him. Mack says it is the kid of Bob Bibu and they’re babysitting.
* The guard is a fan and asks him to perform on the space organ, Beb says he hates it, but agrees to. He lets them in
* The cantina is packed.
* Beb Bibu is up next. He approaches the organ, turns out he can’t play at all.
* A wookie at the bar stands up “You must be the bounty I ordered”
* Sarn grabs the child and hold shim at gunpoint.
* Beb wiggles free and starts to run away.
* Sarn shoots Beb in the leg.
* A wookie reaches for Beb, Sarn shoots him. The wookiee’s know he is serious.
* Do you even know who I am? the wookie says. “I am butte radar, the right hand mand of teemo”
* Sarn laughs at his name.
* Sarn sneaks Mack’s gun back to him.
* They enter combat.
* Sarn is shot, is critically injured, he falls back into cover. (stinger)
* Sarn shoots and does some damage.
* Mack shoots the lights out.
* Mack grabs Sarn and runs out the back door, towards Beb Bibo. Sarn grabs the cat.
{% endsummary %}

5
content/episodes/s01/e20.md
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@@ -1,7 +1,4 @@
---
title: "Cunkle Jabba"
episode: 20
date: 2021-06-05
---
Episode 20
---

39
content/episodes/s01/e21.md
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@@ -1,9 +1,42 @@
---
title: "Half a Hashbrown"
episode: 21
date: 2021-08-09
---
{% prologue %}
It is a dark time for the galaxy. The city of Coruscant, once the glittering pearl of the Republic, now languishes under the shadow of the Galactic Empire. A bustling black market flourishes in the underworld, controlled by the notorious crime syndicate Black Sun
Hired to infiltrate a Black Sun outpost and retrieve vital data on a bounty hunter who betrayed the Pyke Syndicate, a small group of enterprising individuals works rapidly to access the heavily encrypted Black Sun network as things take a turn for the worse...
Hired to infiltrate a Black Sun outpost and retrieve vital data on a bounty hunter who betrayed the Pyke Syndicate, a small group of enterprising individuals works rapidly to access the heavily encrypted Black Sun network as things take a turn for the worse...
{% endprologue %}
{% summary %}
* Starts in the middle of a heist on Coruscant, alarms going off, the crew escapes
* Finds a speeder, jump in
* Mack Skyblade jumps at the helm, they are being chased
* While being chased, Sarn Turbo shoots a sign, slowing down chasers
* They blow a stop sign, attracting police droids to purse
* Mack does a barrel roll, losing one of the police droids, yells "Mack Skyblade Baby!"
* One police droid is able to find him from the yelling
* Mack, using his perception is able to find a shortcut, heads towards it, but clips the speeder
* Speeder softly crash lands.
* They receive a call on the communicator, telling them to come to Chopper's Chop Shop in L42
* RX-78 diagnosis the speeder, the hyper radiator is leaking. Sarn offers to pee in it, but realizes he peed when they did a barrel roll
* Sarn looks in the glove box, finds a card for the taxi cab company.
* They call, and are put on with the dispatcher, they say they need another cab, but it will be some time
* Mack realizes he knows the area, but also that it's a bad neighborhood. He also notices Dex's Diner and becomes excited, announces he's going to get a big breakfast
* They walk by a greaser Ithorian standing outside the diner.
* RX is fascinated with all the trinkets on the walls.
* Mack starts yelling for service, really wants the big breakfast
* A female Besalisk named Gizlora comes out from the kitchen.
* Sarn orders the moons over Endor, Mack the big breakfast
* Giz Lora calls Mack "the cute one" and pinches his cheek, she goes back to the kitchen
* After some time, they see the cab pull up, but haven't eaten yet, Mack calls for Gizlora
* Gizlora says all she has done is the cigarettes and half a hashbrown she gives it to them.
* Mack asks what they owe, she says "For you, it's on the house" and goes in to give him a smooch, Mack kisses her right back.
* She finds a biscuit in her pocket and gives it to her.
* On the way out, they give the cigarette to the Ithorian outside
* They enter the cab, it's a johnny cab and RX-78 remembers it's in L42
* Sarn checks the glove box, it shocks him, the johnnycab warns him. Sarn kicks the glove box and is shocked, it disables his toe.
* Cab drops them off in front of the Chop shop, it's 2 AM
* They knock, no answer, knock hard, Chopper wakes up, excited to see Mack, gives him a big hug, and a little tickle.
* They finally enter the chop shop
{% endsummary %}

9
content/episodes/s01/e22.md
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@@ -1,11 +1,12 @@
---
title: "I Found a Guy with a Vest"
episode: 22
date: 2021-08-17
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# KLAXON!
**Klaxon!**
The crew found themselves being pursued by dangerous Black Sun thugs following a somewhat botched robbery. After a daring, barrel rolling escape from the thugs, our hitched a taxi to Chopper's chop shop to drop off the stolen data. The friendly (but sleeping) Besalisk owner has just greeted our old friends and welcomed them in.
But will they ever get their "BIG BREAKFAST"??
But will they ever get their "BIG BREAKFAST"??
{% endprologue %}

5
content/episodes/s01/e23.md
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@@ -1,7 +1,4 @@
---
title: "A Hand on the Fuel Line"
episode: 23
date: 2021-08-30
---
Episode 23
---

5
content/episodes/s01/e24.md
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@@ -1,7 +1,4 @@
---
title: "Secret Knock"
episode: 24
date: 2021-08-31
---
Episode 24
---

9
content/episodes/s01/e25.md
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@@ -1,13 +1,14 @@
---
title: "Stay Behind the Copier"
episode: 25
date: 2021-09-13
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# EXHAUSTED!
**Exhausted!**
No thanks to the brilliant tactics of losing at sabacc by Mack and Sarn, RX managed to make friendly with Verannis, a Black Sun associate, by telling him about the shadier dealings of Kaa'to Leeachos. Despite the crew having just robbed the Black Sun's data warehouse leading to a barrel rolling chase, they managed to intrigue Verannis enough to gain some insider information regarding the Zelcomm Tower.
But, presently, the crew find themselves passed out at Chopper's Chop Shop on some makeshift "beds" consisting of Speeder bench seats.
And they smell strongly of Ughnaughts....
And they smell strongly of Ughnaughts....
{% endprologue %}

9
content/episodes/s01/e26.md
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@@ -1,11 +1,12 @@
---
title: "A Night in the Wind"
episode: 26
date: 2021-09-20
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# MAKING COPIES!
**Making Copies!**
Last week, the crew made a daring escape with the help of a (definitely non-sentient) copy droid. Now, they find themselves outside Zelcomm Tower with the information they sought: an invoice for a partial shipment of weapons delivered to a kelerium processing plant in Sector 943 care of none other than Kaa'to Leeachos, a shipment scheduled to arrive later this evening at the abandoned section of the factory. But their mission to retrieve this information was a little bit less quiet than they hoped.
Let's hope that fern hides those bodies...
Let's hope that fern hides those bodies...
{% endprologue %}

9
content/episodes/s01/e27.md
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@@ -1,13 +1,14 @@
---
title: "Mama, Hold Me"
episode: 27
date: 2021-10-12
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# Face to Face!
**Face to Face!**
The crew has tracked down their target to an abandoned section in the NovaCORE kelerium processing plant. On a hunch, Sarn Turbo and RX-78 enter the plant through a door in the back, discovering a booby trap and eventually a hideout. Mack Skyblade, meanwhile made a different, stealthier, entrance and narrowly escaped discovery by the plant's Mustafarians and autonomous droids.
After Sarn hucks a live stun grenade into the factory (rather then let some booty go unplundered), he unwittingly stuns and blinds his human crewmate. Sarn and RX-78 have now exited the hideout, bumping into none other than Kaa'to Leeachos himself.
How will they disarm his multiple genitalia?
How will they disarm his multiple genitalia?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "You Have Indigestion!"
episode: 28
date: 2021-11-16
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# Dismembered!
**Dismembered!**
The crew is battered, but triumphant. Kaa'to Leeachos is reduced to a downward facing exploded man. Only one of his previously plenty genitalia remain, and it sits atop the disembodied head of fallen comrade, RX-78. Limping, Sarn Turbo and Mack Skyblade have just squeaked out of the factory, lucky to not have raised the ire of the Mustafarian managers.
Maybe if Sarn had accepted the help from "white wookie from Spyder" instead of hanging up on him, they wouldn't be so battered!
Maybe if Sarn had accepted the help from "white wookie from Spyder" instead of hanging up on him, they wouldn't be so battered!
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "What is that Smell?"
episode: 29
date: 2021-11-22
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# STUFFED!
**Stuffed!**
The crew, fresh off the regret of a big breakfast find themselves the proud recipients of a coupon book, courtesy of the chamber of commerce of Coruscant. Besides helping them finish their breakfast, their new friend Ghost has brought to them a bounty that seemingly has ties to the infamous Butte Radar, a foe from the crew’s past.
But in the meantime, where can a smugglord find some antacids?
But in the meantime, where can a smugglord find some antacids?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Berries on the top of the Squirrel Pie"
episode: 30
date: 2021-11-30
---
# SHOPPING!
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
**Shopping!**
After the crew spent a great deal of time over at Eozlin's General Store, picking up odds and ends, the crew has returned, at last to the Kahuna Wave. Once aboard, something smelt amiss to Ghost, but it's now looking like Sarn Turbo and Mack Skyblade were able to dodge a "pull-it" (as in arms). Exhausted, they have returned to their quarters for a bit of relaxation as they head to Taleucema on the planet Saleucami.
Let's hope GP-RX astrogated well....
Let's hope GP-RX astrogated well....
{% endprologue %}

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title: "I Didn’t Even Know the Stun Setting Was There"
episode: 31
date: 2021-12-06
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# BACK TO WORK!
**Back To Work!**
The crew has rolled up their sleeves, eager to earn a fat bounty from the Zann Consortium. Ghost for the Butte, Mack for the Butt, and Sarn Turbo, well, Sarn just likes to hunt. After a brief detour for some Ryll, we last left our heroes pursuing their first lead, an older, apparently drunk man named Graf Lind.
Well, I guess maybe they have something in common.
Well, I guess maybe they have something in common.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Flashback: What Other Choice Did I Have?"
episode: 32
date: 2021-12-14
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# BACK TO THE FLASH BACK!
**Back To The Flash Back!**
A young Sarn Turbo has accomplished what will be his first bragging right, bringing down a Butte Radar. A young Mack Skyblade joins Sarn in a safe house, the duo just having dispersed a gang of Radarians. The fast friends have regained custody of their bounty, a child by the name of Beb Bibo, son of famous jizz musician Bob Bibu, but not before taking on a few wounds.
Not super great for their first babysitting gig!
Not super great for their first babysitting gig!
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Flashback:"
episode: 33
date: 2021-12-27
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL!
**Go Directly To Jail!**
After making a brief but loud scene, Sarn Turbo and Beb Bibo have been apprehended in the Mos Shuuta space port. However, Mack Skyblade seemingly has successfully blended into the background and out of the trouble. From a short distance, he looks on as the stormtroopers carry off his new coworker and latest smugglee.
Maybe the prison guards will have a manager to speak to!
Maybe the prison guards will have a manager to speak to!{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Never Stop Troopin'"
episode: 34
date: 2022-01-03
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# STUNNED!
**Stunned!**
The crew have found themselves deep in Blackwind Crater, looking for some trace of the The Radarian Chain Gang, the organization that serves Butte Radar. Accompanying them is Graf Lind, a one-legged former Radarian himself. Thanks to some intel from Krezo, they know that someone named Mandi mentioned something about Blackwind Crater. So they charged in. And were attacked by a Thaelo. And now Ghost is covered in unconscious monkey.
But which one is the monkey and which one is the wookiee?
But which one is the monkey and which one is the wookiee?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "All the Kongs"
episode: 35
date: 2022-01-10
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
CLONES-A-POPPIN!
**Clones-a-poppin!**
The crew have somewhat ingratiated themselves with a group of has-been clone troopers they found (or that found the crew) in Blackwind Crater. Although, Ghost was dismayed that the group does odd jobs for the The Radarian Chain, the crew has agreed to help the geriatric soldiers with their Thaleo problem in the hopes that they have some plot-important information.
Let's hope it doesn't lead to another dead-end retention pond!
Let's hope it doesn't lead to another dead-end retention pond!
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "And Snacks for the Wookiee, Please"
episode: 36
date: 2022-01-18
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# WAIL TO THE CHIMP!
**Wail To The Chimp!**
With the help of the crew, the clones have vanquished the Thaleo foe in their formally ‘inpenetrable’ fortress. Through some last minute heroics, and some bought time thanks to a mighty vibro-ax, the allies were able to crush the monkey king with his own tree trunk. Let’s hope the clone troopers reward our heroes with juicy plot treats regarding the The Radarian Chain hideout.
Or more likely, the crew will try to bully them into giving up all their stuff and murder them before they saying anything about the plot.
Or more likely, the crew will try to bully them into giving up all their stuff and murder them before they saying anything about the plot.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "You’re Like The Sarn of this Battle"
episode: 37
date: 2022-01-24
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
{% prologue %}
**Diplomat On Board!**
"Diplomat" Mack "Saint" Skyblade has got the crew, and a few friendly clone troopers, aboard the Chandrilla Dispatch. Thanks to some intel from the troopers, the crew knows the Dispatch is likely to be a target for the pirates of The Radarian Chain. Tacticians Ghost and Sarn Turbo are ever closer to executing their plan to ambush the pirates when they try to take the ship. Assuming the ambush is successful, they can find the origination of these pirates and get even close to Butte Radar.
**DIPLOMAT ON BOARD!**
"Diplomat" Mack "Saint" Skyblade has got the crew, and a few friendly clone troopers, aboard the Chandrilla Dispatch. Thanks to some intel from the troopers, the crew knows the Dispatch is likely to be a target for the pirates of The Radarian Chain. Tacticians Ghost and Sarn Turbo are ever closer to executing their plan to ambush the pirates when they try to take the ship. Assuming the ambush is successful, they can find the origination of these pirates and get even close to Butte Radar.
Butte you know what they say about when you assume...
Butte you know what they say about when you assume...
{% endprologue %}

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date: 2022-02-01
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
**Swab The Deck!**
The crew, aboard The Chandrilla Dispatch, successfully repelled pirates from The Radarian Chain, but not without the help of a pair of Fleet Officers. Now the crew must find their way closer to the origination of the pirate attack, and closer to their goal of fulfilling their bounty for the Butte Radar. However, although a few pirates suffered the ax of Ghost the white wookiee finds himself gravely injured, and will surely be out of action for at least the next few weeks.
Can Mack’s new powerloader robot suit fix a broken wookiee? Will Sarn try to eat a dead pirate as he did a dead Thaleo.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Lord of Deception"
episode: 39
date: 2022-02-07
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# Episode {{episode}}
**GIRONIMO!** A lucky leap and a clutch winch save our crew from the cold vast darkness of space. Thanks to a thrusting powerloader, Mack Skyblade, Zeke, Sarn Turbo, and Ghost have reunited with the Kahuna Wave after a daring defeat of would-be pirates. But the escapade was not without its costs. Jayk, one of the retired clone troopers, was killed and despite medical attention from Oake, Ghost has found himself with a serious injury requiring an emergency freezing in carbonite. Thankfully, the mission goal was successful, and the crew now has the coordinates of the Radian base known as The Vault.
So the future is looking bright, which is probably why Ghost is wearing glareshades in that carbonite...
**Gironimo!**
A lucky leap and a clutch winch save our crew from the cold vast darkness of space. Thanks to a thrusting powerloader, Mack Skyblade, Zeke, Sarn Turbo, and Ghost have reunited with the Kahuna Wave after a daring defeat of would-be pirates. But the escapade was not without its costs. Jayk, one of the retired clone troopers, was killed and despite medical attention from Oake, Ghost has found himself with a serious injury requiring an emergency freezing in carbonite. Thankfully, the mission goal was successful, and the crew now has the coordinates of the Radian base known as The Vault.
So the future is looking bright, which is probably why Ghost is wearing glareshades in that carbonite...
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "The Butte Must Die"
episode: 40
date: 2022-02-15
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
# Episode {{episode}}
**DECEPTION!** After deep freezing their Wookie compatriot, our heroes, along with the clone troopers, come up with a plan to invade The Radarian Chain chain gang's base, The Vault. They decide they're going to deceive the pirates with a bounty, using the ex pirate, Graf Lind. After deceiving not one, not two, but three radarian pirates, the crew finds themselves deceiving their way into Butt Radar's office, facing down the Butte Radar herself. But just when their lies were taking them so far, Graff reveals his ultimate deception and betrays the K-Wave crew. The choice is now either accept Butts offer of payment or shoot their way out. One way or another, Graff is getting shot.
**Deception!**
After deep freezing their Wookie compatriot, our heroes, along with the clone troopers, come up with a plan to invade The Radarian Chain chain gang's base, The Vault. They decide they're going to deceive the pirates with a bounty, using the ex pirate, Graf Lind. After deceiving not one, not two, but three radarian pirates, the crew finds themselves deceiving their way into Butt Radar's office, facing down the Butte Radar herself. But just when their lies were taking them so far, Graff reveals his ultimate deception and betrays the K-Wave crew. The choice is now either accept Butts offer of payment or shoot their way out. One way or another, Graff is getting shot.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "A Band Aid on a Displaced Knee"
episode: 41
date: 2022-03-01
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Ding Dong The Butte Is Dead!
# Episode {{episode}}
## DING DONG THE BUTTE IS DEAD!
**Which ol' Butte? The Radar, Butte!** The crew has triumphed over the Radarian leader with a little help from their clone friends. However, skilled bounty hunter Sarn Turbo and Sargent Zeke took the brunt of the damage. But thanks to some daring action and stashed "stimmies" from Mack Skyblade, neither is dead yet. In fact, the Twil'ek even managed to partake in their favorite activity, checking pockets. The crew now must bring the body and medallion to their contact, Venlana to collect their bounty.
Bling bling!
**Which ol' Butte? The Radar, Butte!** The crew has triumphed over the Radarian leader with a little help from their clone friends. However, skilled bounty hunter Sarn Turbo and Sargent Zeke took the brunt of the damage. But thanks to some daring action and stashed "stimmies" from Mack Skyblade, neither is dead yet. In fact, the Twil'ek even managed to partake in their favorite activity, checking pockets. The crew now must bring the body and medallion to their contact, Venlana to collect their bounty.
Bling bling!
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "A Better Way Than Maiming and Murdering?!"
episode: 42
date: 2022-03-09
---
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## That was a Fake BUTT(E)
# Episode {{episode}}
## That was a Fake BUTT(E)
after a successful take down of brutal tyrant butte radar the crew turns her over for the rest of the bounty. after meeting venlana to exchange the precious medallion, they were backstabbed and they killed the almost lifeless body of the Butte radar! feeling betrayed, but also accomplished the decided to unwind with a very fine vintage of a degobah whiskey. After waking up in a very odd places, yet again, the crew wakes up to find that the Butte radar that they hunted, was indeed a fake! the crew must not shake off a hangover and figure out their next step!
We all knew it felt to real to be true!
after a successful take down of brutal tyrant butte radar the crew turns her over for the rest of the bounty. after meeting venlana to exchange the precious medallion, they were backstabbed and they killed the almost lifeless body of the Butte radar! feeling betrayed, but also accomplished the decided to unwind with a very fine vintage of a degobah whiskey. After waking up in a very odd places, yet again, the crew wakes up to find that the Butte radar that they hunted, was indeed a fake! the crew must not shake off a hangover and figure out their next step!
We all knew it felt to real to be true!
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "What Are You Gonna Do, Fight Me? I'm a Goddamn Fish!"
episode: 43
date: 2022-04-12
---
Episode 43
---

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---
title: "Don't Worry But Bring Guns?"
episode: 44
date: 2022-04-19
---
Episode 44
---

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---
title: "And I Know I Can Do This"
episode: 45
date: 2022-05-16
---
Episode 45
---

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date: 2022-07-08
---
Episode 46
---

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episode: 1
date: 2022-08-05
---

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episode: 2
date: 2022-08-29
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episode: 3
date: 2022-09-14
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episode: 4
date: 2022-09-27
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episode: 5
date: 2022-10-25
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episode: 6
date: 2022-12-12
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episode: 7
date: 2022-12-19
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episode: 8
date: 2023-02-15
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episode: 9
date: 2023-02-22
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episode: 10
date: 2023-03-09
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episode: 11
date: 2023-03-16
---

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---
title: "Hungry for Cats"
episode: 01
date: 2023-04-05
---
{%prologue%}
# Olden Times
The Worlds Oldest Newspaper

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---
title: "Make Your Teeth Sweat"
episode: 02
date: 2023-04-12
---
{% prologue %}
Olden Times
===========================
The Worlds Oldest Newspaper
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Break In At Iruvian School
Little Boy Witness To Dasterdly Scheme
@@ -20,5 +17,4 @@ After breaking into the school in search for food, liquor and a cat (alas, none
"There was a pirate and a devil. and a weird one named Chuckles," Templeton said. "And one of them had a buler in a jar."
The crew, realizing they were headed in the wrong direction, went back downstairs to the basement. They encountered a temple with the ghostly remains of sacrifice and horror
But it's not like there is a sinsister demonic presence downstairs! Right!? Right?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "S03E03:"
episode: 03
date: 2023-04-19
---
{% prologue %}
{% prologue %}
Doskvol Inquirer
======================
The Only News You Need
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Great Day To Be A Junk Forter
Friendships Forged Loot Plundered
@@ -17,5 +14,4 @@ Friendships Forged Loot Plundered
In a dazzling display of overconfidence and clumsiness, the Junk Fort Crew managed to escape the Iruvian School of Sword Art--with their prize. The trio (Squish not pictured) managed to raid an alchemy lab, break into the war room, and confront Ixis, demon eater. Using the wits, their skills, and a tire iron, the trio managed to nab the pressure treasure and escape, mostly unharmed. On their way out, the group met a handsome NPC, but they ignored him for escape. I'm sure that won't come back to "haunt" them.
Now the crew rests in their Junk Fort, a thank from Baz. The crew is ready to relax and indulge their vices.
Maybe they 1 visit the Downtrodden Toad, the center of culture in Ratcatcher Street. Maybe they'll check out the Golden Plum, filled with gourmets galore. Or the Centuralia Club, were books burst from the shelves. Or maybe they 11 take a look at that book they stole earlier, the one about vampyres.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Monkey Noises Everywhere"
episode: 04
date: 2023-05-03
---

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---
title: "Saltwater Chili Eyes"
episode: 05
date: 2023-05-10
---
{% prologue %}
Doskvol Inquirer
======================
The Only News You Need
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Great Day To Be A Junk Forter
Friendships Forged Loot Plundered
@@ -17,5 +14,4 @@ Friendships Forged Loot Plundered
In a dazzling display of overconfidence and clumsiness, the Junk Fort Crew managed to escape the Iruvian School of Sword Art--with their prize. The trio (Squish not pictured) managed to raid an alchemy lab, break into the war room, and confront Ixis, demon eater. Using the wits, their skills, and a tire iron, the trio managed to nab the pressure treasure and escape, mostly unharmed. On their way out, the group met a handsome NPC, but they ignored him for escape. I'm sure that won't come back to "haunt" them.
Now the crew rests in their Junk Fort, a thank from Baz. The crew is ready to relax and indulge their vices.
Maybe they 1 visit the Downtrodden Toad, the center of culture in Ratcatcher Street. Maybe they'll check out the Golden Plum, filled with gourmets galore. Or the Centuralia Club, were books burst from the shelves. Or maybe they 11 take a look at that book they stole earlier, the one about vampyres.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Stress-free, Baby!"
episode: 06
date: 2023-05-17
---
{% prologue %}
Doskvol Daily
===================================
I Forgot To Do This Earlier Edition
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## A Monkey Wrench In Their Plans
The Ship Sinking Was Part Of The Plan
@@ -16,5 +14,4 @@ The Ship Sinking Was Part Of The Plan
The Junk Boyz have done it again! When a command from Captain Clyde to a ghostly crew member sent cannons careening onto the deck, the crew was in a time crunch! With guards around them and water filling the deck, they had to act bravely, and desperately! Luckily, our crew is nothing but desperate.
They got the caviar, then saved Captain Dawn, then the rest of the crew, include Peeway, the burned guy that everyone picks on. Plus, they got to keep the nicotine-addicted monkey.
But actions have consequences. Making an enemy of the Department of Preservation is never a good idea. The Spirit Wardens will not be happy about three dead bodies lying in a boat in the bottom of the river. Will the Captain be able to get over his ghost commanding impotence? And is keeping a cigarette smoking chimp a smart idea in a wooden shack?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "This is My Fancy Shirt"
episode: 07
date: 2023-06-14
---

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---
title: "Poor Wott's Balls"
episode: 08
date: 2023-06-28
---
{% prologue %}
Old Timey Gazette
========================
A Newspaper You Can Read
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Rich Man Has Party Poor People Crash It
This Place Is About To Get Turnt Up
@@ -17,5 +14,4 @@ This Place Is About To Get Turnt Up
There's a party here in Doskvol, and you've been invited! Well, not so much as invited, as much as lied and snuck in under false pretenses. In a convulated plot that would make Agatha Christe proud, our heros have snuck into Wott Manor to steal a priceless artificat and replace it with another. Why? Becuase I'm the dm, that's why.
So far, the crew has managed to sneak in undetected. They've broken up to search for clues. Squish and Lady Emoria head to the basement to look for the artificat. Djuckles has gassed out the host, and is now making his way upstairs. And the Captain has created a scene and. is having a pity party in his favorite room, the library!
But is there more going on? Why does Lady Emoria want to find the artificat? Who are the other guests at the party? Why are there multiple demons in the house? Why can't the captain capture ghosts? And how many onions are in Djuckles' hat?!
{% endprologue %}

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title: "Fits of Vomit"
episode: 09
date: 2023-07-05
---

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---
title: "Did You Say Conjugal?"
episode: 10
date: 2023-08-08
---
{% prologue %}
{% prologue %}
Junkfort Journal
=================
Downtime Delights
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## The Importance Of Hobbies
You also fostered community relationships. Rigby is scared you'll blow up the Toad, so free healing! And while Baz was not happy with your performance on the last job, he hasn't killed you yet! And now you have a lion, whose knowledge, while limited, is sometimes useful.
Truly, you are on top of your game, and things can only improve from here.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Sack of Cabin Boy"
episode: 11
date: 2023-08-16
---
{% prologue %}
{% prologue %}
Junkfort Journal
===========================
A Ball Blasters Publication
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Betrayal Break Ins And Boom Boom Sauce
After dealing with a pesky police officer, our crew was summoned to Shop de Mystique by Sculock, your friendly potion dispenser and uncle (maybe?) to Chuckles.
They found the store ransacked, some nudie magazines, and Sculock missing! They also found a recipe for Boom Boom Sauce, a condiment/explosive that certaintly can't backfire on our arson experts.
They were offered help from Baz to sneak into the prison were Sculock is held prisoner.
The captain agreed to get himself arrested. and with Tawny's help, got himself a cell next to an old crewmate. Squish became a cook at the prison. Chuckles entered last, under the guise of a "conjugal" visit. It was then that a bombshell was dropped (not literally, although knowing this lot...)
Baz had Sculock thrown in prison! And now the prison alarms have gone off, and the crew is ironically stuck inside a the prison they were trying to sneak into.
How deep is Baz's betrayal? How will they get out? Will Chuckles learn what conjugal means? Tune in next time...
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Gunpowder, Flammables, and Other Explodables"
episode: 12
date: 2023-08-30
---
{% prologue %}
{% prologue %}
Prisoner Perodicals
=======================================
Because What Else Are You Going To Read
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Chaos Abounds On Prison Grounds
During the confusion of an attempted prison riot, our heros took action. Chuckles was taken down to the holding cells, were he reunited with his beloved Frunkle Sculock. Squish, disgused as, you guessed it, a chef managed to steal some weapons for safe keeping and managed to break out the Captain, disguised as, you guessed it, a drunken sailor.
They deceived their way to the lower level of the prison, where they were able to finally convinced Chuckles out of his unlocked prison cell. Then, drawing on their amazing skills (and even more amazing luck) Squish and Captain took down four guards with no injury. They then convinced a guard name Dwayne to help carry the fragile frunkle back up the stairs. Deedee was called. Now the six of them (three junk boys, a guard, a frunkle, and an ape-chimp) have to escape this rioting prison, where every guard and prisoner is a threat to their safety.
First, they had to break in.
Now, they have to break out.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Glass Bottom Garbage Barge"
episode: 13
date: 2023-09-06
---
{% prologue %}
{% prologue %}
Junkfort Journal
===========================
A Ball Blasters Publication
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Like Nut Punching A Building
Filled with determionation, the crew fought their way through the chaos riddled prison.
Despite a few brawls, macings, and nut punchings, the crew made their way to the evidence locker, where the Captain's faithful butler Neelix waited.
Chuckles and Sculock had a moment in the conjugal visit room, where they discussed Chuckle's life path, and where his life was headed.
The Captain stormed the evidence locker, completely ignorning vital exposition that explained Baz had planted the prisoners, and had told them to wear red sashes during the assault, framing his enemy of the same name for his crimes. That wasn't important! Getting back his beloved butler was all he had on his mind, and succeeded, with aplomb.
Did you say a bomb? To the shock of no one, Captain devised a plan to blow up the armory and escape. He created a diversion, and Chuckles lit the place up. They were free, and escaped via a carriage that Squish had procurred after leaving the prison, through the front door.
So where do they stand with Baz? What about the Junk Fort? Are they safe in the city? What can they blow up next?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Nut Blaster Disaster"
episode: 14
date: 2023-09-13
---
{% prologue %}
Sewer Sentinel
==============================
That S The Garbage That Stinks
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
That's The Garbage That Stinks
{% timeTag date %}
## New Fort Same Junk
The crew decided to move the Junk Fort, and stole a garbage barge to do so. The new Junk Barge floats down the sewers, safe from Baz's eyes.
Chuckles hit the books and upgraded his healing abilities. He met with Sculock and told him over his progress, and promised to come back for his college fund.
The Captian spent sometime in the bookstore, and managed to learn a Fireball spell. Classic! He also decided to learn how to upgrade the Junk Fort, so they could properly steer the vessel. Chuckle gave him a hand, as well as assisted Squish in in upgrading his rifle.
Squish had lady trouble at the Golden Plume. While impressing Chef Roselle with his slug boom boom sauce dish, he made the mistake of attempting to steal a cigar. Roselle tossed him out, where he then met Lady Emoria. He harrassed the young woman while she tried to eat her sandwich.
Now is a time of new beginnings, and maybe, new endings. Like a steerless garbage draft drifting through sewers, the gang is drifting through life, ignornat of what's around the bend.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Wott's Burning Pants"
episode: 15
date: 2023-09-20
---
{% prologue %}
Garbarge Gazette
=================================
This Also Doubles As Toliet Paper
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Friends In Low Places
Lady Emoria boarded the Garbarge and provided a job for these salty sea dogs. The crew agreed to get the Maa Goo Fin, a necklace of power, in exchange for keeping the money and other treasures found by our friends, the crew of the Dawn's Hammer. They promptly dumped her off the barge, but not before she released an expolosive demon, which they quickly captured.
The crew first met with an unhappy Turswallow, who pointed them in the direction of a bar, where Tarnet and Peeway were spending their money drinking. Unable to bully the two into betraying their captain, the gang left to the seedy bar, where they were attacked by Tawny and several of Baz's men.
Captain and Djuckles "nut punched" their way to victory. They convinced Squish not to kill Tawny, but instead bully him into joining their crew.
Now the crew must meet with Dawn, and try to convince her to give up the location of the treasurer. Is this treasurer all it seems? Or is the Maa Goo Fin a worthless object, only necessary to drive the plot forward?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Lotta People Need Lunch"
episode: 16
date: 2023-10-25
---
{% prologue %}
Garbarge Gazette
=======================
Insert Clever Text Here
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Knowledge Was The Real Treasure All Along
Once at Ginger's, the crew bluffed their way inside by pretending to be the band. They met with Captain Dawn, who did not have the necklace on hand, but who offered her help.
Before they could leave, an old face appeared in the crowd. Wott, determined to get revenge, challenged Djuckles to a duel. The two fought, and with the help of his friends, managed to beat the bougeois and leave him in pain.
The crew went to the warehouse, where the necklace was being held. With agility, strength, and luck, Djuckles and Squish made their way upstairs. The captain took a less direct approach, luring out the two guards, blasting them with fire, and then running inside.
A battle commenced between the Garbarge Boys and the Ministry. Eventually, they were able to enter the office where the treasurer was beind held Inside, they found the MaGoo Fin, gold, and a map, leading to the captain's ship.
Now the crew must decide their next steps. Can the Captain find his ship? Do they tempt the Void Sea, and search out the treasure? Will Baz evenly allow them to leave the city?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Bloomin' Onion is on the Menu"
episode: 17
date: 2023-11-08
---
{% prologue %}
Olden Times
===========================
The Worlds Oldest Newspaper
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Calm Before The Storm
Are Drugs Bad For You If You Feel Better
@@ -17,5 +14,4 @@ Are Drugs Bad For You If You Feel Better
The Captain reutrned to an old friend, and told her his plans of finding the Kahuna Wave, now that he found the treasure map. Tawny and Djuckles bonded in a strange drug den, and it seemed to lift their spirits. Squish entered into a partnership with Rigney, and finished working on his new rifle.
The Captain also finished working on the Garbarge and has made her sea worthy, after visiting what may have been a sailing themed restaurant.
But good sails and a long stick does not make for an easy voyage. They first have to leave the city, and Baz controls the docks. They don't have any supplies, and the Void Sea is dangerous, mysterious place that few venture. This mission may be the last our crew undertake.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Quick! Look Delicious!"
episode: 18
date: 2023-11-15
---
{% prologue %}
Sea Monkey Monthly
=====================================
This Paper Was Delivered By Sea Gulls
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Doskvol Burns Crime Lord Dead
In a final act of arson activity, the Garbarge Gang set the docks alight as they sailed away from Doskvol, seeking treasures and hints to their past.
But before they could leave entirely, they faced Baz and men in canoes. Rather anti-climatically, Baz was brought down with a bullet to the head, proving that crime doesn't pay and bullelts can penetrate the skull.
The crew did suprsingly well for being a bunch of inexperienced layabouts. They managed to create drinkable water, usefull, since they didn't pack any. They created a fishing pole, useful, since they also didn't pack any food. They checked the ship for repairs and navigated through open waters. They entertained themselves with solitare and bird watching.
There first stop was Last Hurray, the Devil's Paradise. While gatherng supplies, and by supplies, I mean, eating as many blooming onions they could handle, they realized that the demons were cannibals, and quickly made their retreat back to the barge.
So now what? With water, but no food, their options are limited. The sea is a dangerous place.
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "S03E19 Wreck My Stomach!"
episode: 19
date: 2023-11-29
---
{% prologue %}
Shipwrecked Sentinel
===================================================
How Does A Paper Get Delivered To A Deserted Island
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Disaster On The High Seas
The legend will live on from Doskvol down of the great ship they called the Garbarge. Her trash filled, hobcobbled remains lie in the bottom of the Void Sea, in the deadly embrace of the Leviathan.
The day started out chipper, with the crew in good spirits. Djuckles and Captain sorted out their differences, and came to a new understanding. The day quickly turned, when a Levithan appeared on the horizon.
The ghost butler Neelix tried seducing the great beast, and they tried using Hotman to attack him. Their plans failed, and they tried a mad dash towards the shore.
Eventually, Djuckles tried his ol' nut puching technique, but alas, could not find the genitles. Squish bravely and foolishly jumped into the beast's gullet, and while harming the fiend, did not kill it. He cut his way to freedom. The Captain, deciding on last ditch effort, crashed the Garbarge into the beast, sacrificing their home and headquarters to save their lives.
The crew washed upon the shores, and were greeted by friendly locals. Deedee and Tawny are missing.
What fresh horros away our crew on the AVOID AT ALL COSTS ISLAND?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Both Haunted and Very Moist"
episode: 20
date: 2023-12-06
---
{% prologue %}
Bon Voyage Bulletin
==========================
Special Edition Last Issue
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## An Unpleasant Dinner Party
After a tough battle with the Leviathan, our crew woke up to find themselves on an island inhabited by friendly midwesteners named Nelson. Nelson and his wife, Nelsa, welcomed the crew to their home with a warm fruit casserole and inivtation to dinner. Squish at the entire thing.
After being tipped off by one of the Nelsons to avoid the food, Squish regurgitated his meal. Djuckles joined the Nelsons for short predinner playdate, and while Captain was keeping watch, he was captured! Squish stayed a shore, but the two rapscallions turned on their friend, and led him towards certain death.
But wait! Shia surprise! Djuckles and the Captain performed an excellent fusion dance and lit Nelson, the Nelsons, and the entire forest aflame!
Sweet Deedee found them, and led them deeper in the forest, where Tawny awaited, albeit bruised and broken.
The three found a cave and, seeing no way out, descended forward. However, they go in alone.
What awaits our crew in the dark? What is at the end of the tunnel? And will this finally be the last epsiode of the Adventures of the Junk Fort Boys?
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "I Promise I Can Find You a Parking Spot"
episode: 47
date: 2024-01-03
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
@@ -14,7 +11,6 @@ Defying odds makers, Mack "Pash MacKenzie" Skyblade finds himself atop the racin
Fulfilling his end of the bargain, Illo Vandin has provided the Crew with a breadcumb on their hunt for Butte Radar: It seems the Butte Radar has taken a lover, a figure who goes by the name Micael Torval. However, the affair appears to be one sided, as it is revealed that the Pirate Queen intends to kill him.
It feels like months have transpired, but it's been but a night … AND WHAT A NIGHT!
</div></section>
It feels like months have transpired, but it's been but a night … **and what a night!**
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "A Kidnapping Phone Tree"
episode: 48
date: 2024-01-21
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Backseat Shennanigans
@@ -14,6 +11,5 @@ The crew (+1) have managed to get themselves crammed into the back of a fine Spa
They now patiently (?) await Micael Torval, High Roller and part-time lover of Wookiee Butte Radar, to tell him about the latest word on the street (courtesy of a voicemail from ally of convience Illo Vandin). That gossip, of course, being the fact that the Butt Radar is USING HIM and plans to KILL HIM once she gets what wants.
Like children on a road trip, our heroes find themselves sharing a bench seat killing time … BUT AT LEAST THEY HAVE PARKING!
</div></section>
Like children on a road trip, our heroes find themselves sharing a bench seat killing time … **but at least they have parking!**
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Slow-Twerking Backwards"
episode: 49
date: 2024-01-29
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Lips To Lips
**Buttey Call**
The crew fiends themselves closing in on the Butte Radar, thanks to some love bonding and trunk-ridin' with forlorn lover Micael Torval. After "buying" him a few drinks, "borrowing" his car, and "not" kidnapping him, the four have managed to get to the gates of Ambrae Environmental, a front to the Radarian leader's hangout. Now they must find and face her.
How much more bad advice will they give? Will Bobenz find more violations to write tickets for? Did Sarn loot Micael's pockets for ryll while he was passed out? But more importantly WILL THEY GET TO WATCH A MAN KISS A WOOKIEE??
</div></section>
How much more bad advice will they give? Will Bobenz find more violations to write tickets for? Did Sarn loot Micael's pockets for ryll while he was passed out? But more importantly **will they get to watch a man kiss a wookiee??**
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Sackful of Savrip"
episode: 50
date: 2024-01-30
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## The Main Event
@@ -15,5 +12,4 @@ Now that dance-fight foe Butte Radar has proven to be a hologram, our heroes fin
The crew is back in the thick of it, facing down several Radarian guards and a pair of angry Savrips.
Their other new pal, Bobenz is getting a further taste of what life in the Kahuna is like. Will she rise to the occasion? Will Mack? Let's hope no one requires an emergency carbonite transplant at the end of this one!
</div></section>
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "So You've Become a Hostage"
episode: 51
date: 2024-02-13
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Calm After The Storm
@@ -15,5 +12,4 @@ The club was destroyed, the Savrips were conquered, and the party-goers chased o
The crew is one step closer to fulfilling the Zann Consortium's generous bounty on the Butte. Their contact, and Consortium underboss Venlana will surely be interested in hearing any newly available information. She's apt to take any help she can get to put an end to the Radarian Chain's endless attacks on boss Tyber Zann's operations.
But Micael Torval (and apparent musical talent agent) continues to deliver, even beyond his drunken grave: Beb Bibo somehow factors into all of this. Now that is a name they've not heard in a long time!
</div></section>
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Estate Planning Slave"
episode: 52
date: 2024-03-07
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Breakdown
@@ -15,5 +12,4 @@ In the middle of a hyperlane, the Kahuna Wave putters to a virtual stop thanks t
This makes the journey to the site of the next ambush a little more circuitous. Ryale has revealed the timing and coordinates of the next Radarian Attack. Intercepting this ambush could prove to be key in the hunt for Butte Radar and her generous bounty.
But! First things first, how to get this hunk-a-junk humming along again. Now, where to find a mechanic?
</div></section>
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Admirable Admiral"
episode: 53
date: 2024-03-21
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Ambush The Ambush
@@ -15,5 +12,4 @@ After a very sanitary series of visits to the Bacta Bidet™ and a family dinner
In a previous Eddie-Murphyesque conversation, Ryale revealed to Venlana, underboss of the Zann Consortium, the timing and coordinates of the next Radarian ambush. Eager to get the jump on the Butte and put an end to their enduring nightmare, the Consortium used this tip to lay a trap, a trap set with a very important bait … I mean person.
Now that it's in writing, it seems almost as if Ryale has to do everything around here. Hopefully the generous (and ominous) gift of gear provides inspiration to finish the job!
</div></section>
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "You Have an HR Department?"
episode: 54
date: 2024-04-03
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Out For Blood
@@ -15,6 +12,5 @@ After a tepid reunion with an old acquaintance Beb Bibo in the trap zone, our cr
The three (minus Ryale, who is guest piloting the Kahuna) have now zipped up to the Renegade's Blood, the flagship of the Radarian Fleet and vessel of the Butte, so close they can almost smell her.
And also Roombex, né RX, is frisbeeing across the galaxy. He may be regretting wishing for a life without meatbags!
</div></section>
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Are They Fooled by My Diguise?"
episode: 55
date: 2024-04-19
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Second Blood
@@ -15,5 +12,4 @@ Bobenz slashed, Mack whipped a nerd, and Sarn door-busted in their last appearan
The crew seems to be systematically dismantling the crew of the Renegade's Blood, including neutralizing a Radarian Kill Team, frantically trying to find the Butte before the Butte finds them. But will they make a stop at Human Resources to follow up on a tip on a character from Sarn's past?
Also "Roombex" is presumably still frisbeeing across the galaxy. I'm sure he's fine.
</div></section>
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Her First Hostage"
episode: 56
date: 2024-05-08
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Reunited
@@ -15,5 +12,4 @@ Through the barracks and into the executive wing, the crew have made their way t
But after questioning (and spacing) a few Human Resources associates, the crew has found Makara, Sarn's long-lost enslaved sister. The reunion was short, however, as the group was ambushed by Wookiees and a particularly menacing leader, and now find themselves captured.
No, no. Now's not a time to worry about Roombex! Nevermind that he's drifting further and further into the void! Please, won't you focus on yourselves for once!
</div></section>
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Have You Seen My Murder Pile?"
episode: 57
date: 2024-06-13
---
<section class="prologue"><div>
{% prologue %}
# Episode {{episode}}
## Butte Radar
@@ -15,5 +12,4 @@ Bobenz employed the help of an unsuspecting stranger to free her crewmates from
However, their antics raised alarm, literally, drawing the attention of the Butte Radar herself, who dropped from the ceiling, accompanied by a little friend.
The time has come, it's wipe or be wiped for our heroes.
</div></section>
{% endprologue %}

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---
title: "Is here good? Questionable."
episode: 21
date: 2024-07-17
---
{% prologue %}
{% prologue %}
Olden Times
========================
World's Oldest Newspaper
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Wanted Gang Terrorizes City
Last Seen Night Of Dock Fire
@@ -24,19 +21,15 @@ In completly unrelated news, we bring you a list of unsubstainted reports and ru
• **Whalers reported a Leviathan attack.** These giant creatures are known for their caviar, which some compare to cat food. Remains of a dingy barge found, but no survivors.\
• **Fire on Nelson Island.** Reportedly home to a cult of cannibals, witnesses report smelling smoke and the sounds of screams.\
• **The return of Captain Fitzclyde?** Rumors abound that the famous pirate has been seen again sailing the open seas, now with a strange, nut\-punching, fire starting crew.
{% endprologue %}
{% endprologue %}
{% alternateTitles %}
# Alternate Titles
- "Where's Me Cabin Boy" - Tiger (GM)
- "Are You a Hobo?" - Tiger (GM)
- "I Gave Myself the Promotion" - Tiger (GM)
- "Rule 1: No Waffle Stomping" - Bridget
- "Strong but Apt" - Tiger (GM)
- "I Open the Door with My Pant Down" - Boo
- "Little Leg Liquor" - Tiger (GM)
- "Djuckles Did You Talk to Patches in His Latrine?" - Boo
- _"Where's Me Cabin Boy"_ - Tiger
- _"Are You a Hobo?"_ - Tiger
- _"I Gave Myself the Promotion"_ - Tiger
- _"Rule 1: No Waffle Stomping"_ - Bridget
- _"Strong but Apt"_ - Tiger
- _"I Open the Door with My Pant Down"_ - Boo
- _"Little Leg Liquor"_ - Tiger
- _"Djuckles Did You Talk to Patches in His Latrine?"_ - Boo
{% endalternateTitles %}

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---
title: "Playing for Keepys"
episode: 22
date: 2024-07-31
---
{% prologue %}
Bon Voyage Bulletin
====================
Who S Printing These
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
Who's Printing These
{% timeTag date %}
## New Ship New Identities New Troubles
Our crew was shocked to learn that one of their own, the former "Captain" Clyde, was an imposter! "Patches," his "real" name, was revealed to be the former cabin boy of the real Captain Clyde. After successfully mutinying, Patches was chucked overboard a week later. The real captain began hunting down his old crew, and finally, has the last and first betrayer in sight.
But after some sweet talking from Squish and Chuckles, the captain has allowed the gang to remain on his ship as his crew. His rules are simple: clean up after yourself, and obey his orders.
@@ -23,5 +19,25 @@ However, cleanliness and obedience are not the Garbarge boys strength, and alrea
After a night of some heart to heart talks, they are ready for their first big task: deciding where they heck they're going to go.
Mysteries abound. What is the Captain up to? What is he looking for, and where are they going? Why did Patches mutiny, and will the crew survive his deception?
{% endprologue %}
{% endprologue %}
{% alternateTitles %}
- _"I'm Gonna Get a Dressing Down"_ - Tiger
- _"Whew Nelly!"_ - Tiger
- _"Dusty but Pretty Good Cannonballs"_ - Tiger
- _"And Now We're Sinking"_ - Tiger
- _"Are You Guys for Real"_ - Tiger
- _"Playing for Keepys"_ - Boo
- _"I Am Indigo Montoya"_ - Tiger
- _"You Can Probably Fit in My Clothes"_ - Tiger
- _"Cool Ass-Rope"_ - Tiger
- _"It's Not Sexual!"_ - Tiger
- _"Another Hole!"_ - Tiger
- _"I Grab a Bowling Ball"_ - Tiger
- _"Iron Turkey"_ - Andy
- _"Summon the Hot Man"_ - Tiger
- _"Maybe Hazing Is Wrong"_ - Tiger
- _"No We Throw It"_ - Boo
- _"Hey Fuck You Guys"_ - Tiger
- _"Sandy Onion the Name of My Ex Girlfriend"_ - Boo
{% endalternateTitles%}

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---
title: "Brother of Good Sir"
episode: 23
date: 2024-08-14
---
{% prologue %}
Nautical Newsletter
================================
Where Did You Find Ink And Paper
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Carnage With Carnage At Sea
Tycheros Ahoy
@@ -23,5 +20,23 @@ His crew of merry men raided the Wave, but were quickly fought out by Squish, sh
Filling their pockets with tobacco and cannon balls, they severely crippled the Camnage crew. Back on their own ship, the crew decided to head to Last Hurrah, to find a map for
Tycheros：
{% endprologue %}
{% endprologue %}
{% alternateTitles %}
- _"Little Dirt Man??"_ - Tiger
- _"Thats an Awfully Small Poop Hole"_ - Bridget
- _"Can You Parallel Dock?"_ - Tiger
- _"Useful Detritus"_ - Tiger
- _"I'mma Bossy Boy"_ - Boo
- _"I'm a Bossy Boy Now"_ - Tiger
- _"Brother of Good Sir"_ - Tiger
- _"'Cause They're Delicious?"_ - Tiger
- _"Lobster of the Sea"_ - Tiger
- _"Kiss the Captain"_ - Tiger
- _"Spy on him...with Your Lips"_ - Boo
- _"Captain Thickfingers"_ - Tiger
- _"Demon Flautists"_ - Tiger
- _"It Was Really Bothering Me! Your Happiness!"_ - Boo
- _"We All Have Done the Flesh Test"_ - Andy
- _"Your Stateroom Is a Janitors Closet"_ - Tiger
{% endalternateTitles%}

41
content/episodes/s05/e24.md
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---
title: "Invasive Questions and Generally Being Pests"
episode: 24
date: 2024-08-27
---
{% prologue %}
Oceanside Weekly
==================================
There S A Printing Press Down Here
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
There's A Printing Press Down Here
{% timeTag date %}
## Fish Out Of Water
In preperation for their voyage to Tycheros, the gang returned to Last Hurrah. Djuckles found some materials for some speakers, a task assigned to him on request from the Red Captain.
Squish met a reluctant cartographer, who agreed to sell a map at a bargain, in exchange for some monk fish.
@@ -25,5 +21,36 @@ While Djuckles met up with Squish, Patches took the the opportunity to spy on th
Meanwhile, after the sucessful negotations, Squish and Djuckles headed back to the boat. Squish became distracted, and then bewitched, by a band of demon flautist. Djuckles used his might fish to knock some sense into Squish, and the pair retreated to the ship, but not before receiving a free CD from the demon band.
The crew now awaits their next instructions. They've been warned about the dangers of Tycheros, but like most warnings and foreshadowing, this probably will be ignored.
{% endprologue %}
{% alternateTitles %}
- _"Djuckles: Chief of Plotables"_ - Andy
- _"I Can Make some...coconut Bombs..."_ - Boo
- _"We Just Caused a Scene and Then Left"_ - Bridget
- _"You Should Not Have Mocked that Child"_ - Boo
- _"You Behind that Pillow!"_ - Tiger
- _"It's Amazing because All that Happened, but It Didn't."_ - Boo
- _"Let Me Tell You Something About that monkey....I Know that Monkey"_ - Boo
- _"Monkey Sized Man"_ - Tiger
- _"No One Is Gonna Believe Me About This Child"_ - Tiger
- _"Mutiny the Captain Again"_ - Tiger
- _"I Have Tried Nothing"_ - Tiger
- _"My Names Not Really Patches, You Know that Right?"_ - Andy
- _"This Was a Touching Moment"_ - Tiger
- _"I'll Ingrate Myself"_ - Tiger
- _"You Can't Catch a Monk Fish with a Monk Fish"_ - Tiger
- _"The Lamplady"_ - Tiger
- _"The Latern Part"_ - Tiger
- _"You Caught It You Bought It"_ - Tiger
- _"A Bad Batch of Onions"_ - Tiger
- _"Squirelling Around"_ - Tiger
- _"You Should Use the Other Eye"_ - Andy
- _"We Have Flour"_ - Tiger
- _"Big Bloomin Onion"_ - Tiger
- _"GOD DOESN'T EXIST HERE"_ - Tiger
- _"Ghost Butler"_ - Bridget
- _"Was There Anyone on the Island Holding Their Crotch?"_ - Boo
- _"Is There Booty?"_ - Tiger
- _"Fantasy Spanish"_ - Tiger
- _"Those Are Famous Last Words Too"_ - Tiger
{% endalternateTitles%}

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content/episodes/s05/e25.md
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---
title: "No, no, there's only two garbarges"
episode: 25
date: 2024-09-11
---
{% prologue %}
Bon Voyage Bulletin
==========================================================
No, I will not call you Gutenburg
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## A Day At Sea Unravels More Mysteries
Who is Maggie?
@@ -21,5 +18,29 @@ Squish caught a large angler fish, and Fitzclyde declared they would eat in his
But Patches isn't the only person hiding something. Djuckles met a mysterious girl named Maggie, who claims to work on the ship. She quicly disapeared somewhere on the ship, and Fitzelyde claims to know nothing about her. He tried telling the crew a story about a harp, but, as usual, they weren't listening, and instead insulted his poor ukelele playing. He regrests inviting them for dinner.
But all that will have to wait. Because a migrating school of leviathans stands between the crew and their next stop, and who knows what lies beyond?
{% endprologue %}
{% endprologue %}
{% alternateTitles %}
- _"Undulating Masses"_ - Tiger
- _"Better Idea. Not Bad Idea, but Better Idea"_ - Bridget
- _"Its in He Cannon Room"_ - Boo
- _"I'm Outside My Britches"_ - Tiger
- _"Slightly Nauseous From the Spinning"_ - Tiger
- _"Set Sails to Go"_ - Tiger
- _"Like a Little Coconut Boy"_ - Tiger
- _"Let Him Slide Down the Pole and Then Your Can Wreck Em"_ - Boo
- _"We're Gonna Paint Flames on Everything"_ - Tiger
- _"Your Own Crew Divorced You"_ - Boo
- _"Welcome to Siempre Teimpre"_ - Tiger
- _"They're Man Nudes so Its Ok"_ - Boo
- _"Corey Trevor Lahey"_ - Andy
- _"Uhhhhh I Dodge (?)"_ - Andy
- _"She Doesn't Believe You, but She Doesn't Stab You"_ - Tiger
- _"It'll Make You Feel Less Old, Probably"_ - Boo
- _"Have You Ever Considered that You're a Ghost"_ - Bridget
- _"Casper the Never Nude"_ - Bridget
- _"I Don't Speak Latin"_ - Tiger
- _"Looking for the Hot Spa"_ - Tiger
- _"Standing over the Poop Hole"_ - Tiger
- _"There's only Two Garbarges"_ - Tiger
{% endalternateTitles%}

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content/episodes/s05/e26.md
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---
title: Drums in the Poop Hole
episode: 26
date: 2024-09-25
---
{% prologue %}
Paradise Periodical
==========================================================
How Do You Know What S Happening We Re Trapped On The Ship
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Strange Times On Stranger Shores
Holy Ghosts
@@ -21,5 +18,31 @@ The women revealed that they were one in the same, and only Maggie remembered th
dinner.
But all that will have to wait. Because a migrating school of leviathans stands between the crew and their next stop, and who knows what lies beyond?
{% endprologue %}
{% endprologue %}
{% alternateTitles %}
- _"Those Things Mean Nothing"_ - Tiger
- _"Approach Her Flesh Please"_ - Tiger
- _"May I Approach Her Flesh?"_ - Tiger
- _"The Look Is Not the Problem!"_ - Tiger
- _"Do You Know How to Read?"_ - Andy
- _"Illiteracy Has Become a Plot Point"_ - Tiger
- _"What Color Was He?"_ - Andy
- _"Fleshback"_ - Bridget
- _"I Didn't Go for Captains, Captains Go for Me!"_ - Boo
- _"The One Thing You Weren't Supposed to Do"_ - Tiger
- _"You Said You Would Help Me and You Fell Asleep"_ - Tiger
- _"The Upword Float Noise"_ - Tiger
- _"Buried It in Angry"_ - Tiger
- _"Drums in the Poop Hole"_ - Tiger
- _"Can You Dig up the Poop Hole"_ - Tiger
- _"ARE THESE ONIONS?! WHAT THE HELL"_ - Andy
- _"I Don't Remember I'm Digging a Hole"_ - Tiger
- _"I Hope It Gives You Enough Life to Vacate The.... Poophole (?)"_ - Andy
- _"Good News, You Can Die Now"_ - Andy
- _"I Dug This Hole All day...just for You!"_ - Boo
- _"Yarr, Get in the Hole, M'lady"_ - Tiger
- _"I Hope the Ship Is Still There"_ - Tiger
- _"Flesh Test Everyone"_ - Tiger
- _"Just when I'm Ready to Hate You, You Pull Me Back In"_ - Boo
{% endalternateTitles%}

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---
title: Lowest Monkey on the Totem Pole
season: 5
episode: 27
date: 2024-10-02
podcast: true
---
{% prologue %}
Deep Water Digest
====================================
How do you know what they wished for?
{% timeTag date %}
Deep Water Digest
====================================
How do you know what they wished for?
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
## Day Saved – Baths Had By All
![](../e27.png)
Of course he was nude
## Day Saved – Baths Had By All
![](../e27.png)
Of course he was nude
Following the revelation that little Maggie was a ghost, the group got to work. Squish found a guide in Patches' belongings, detailing how to reunite the mind, the spirit, and the body. Patches dug and found Maggie's drums. Djuckles built his own talkie- walkie, and was able to commune with the rest of the group after losing his clothes. He then dug a deep hole, and, finding no body, had to coax Old Peg into the hole. With a quick attune, Patches reunited Margaret in all her forms. As a thank you, Maggie's spirit showed the crew to the secret spa, and granted each of them a whisper. Djuckles wished for friendship, and found acceptance. Squish wished to never hunger, and found satiation. Patches wavered between returning to Lockport, or gaining control of the ship.
Following the revelation that little Maggie was a ghost, the group got to work. Squish found a guide in Patches' belongings, detailing how to reunite the mind, the spirit, and the body. Patches dug and found Maggie's drums. Djuckles built his own talkie- walkie, and was able to commune with the rest of the group after losing his clothes. He then dug a deep hole, and, finding no body, had to coax Old Peg into the hole. With a quick attune, Patches reunited Margaret in all her forms. As a thank you, Maggie's spirit showed the crew to the secret spa, and granted each of them a whisper. Djuckles wished for friendship, and found acceptance. Squish wished to never hunger, and found satiation. Patches wavered between returning to Lockport, or gaining control of the ship.
After their bath, the crew returned to the Kahuna Wave, where the Captain waited for them. They decided to head to the next island, where the Captain has another contest up his sleeve.
After their bath, the crew returned to the Kahuna Wave, where the Captain waited for them. They decided to head to the next island, where the Captain has another contest up his sleeve.
{% endprologue %}
{% endprologue %}
# Alternate Titles
{% alternateTitles %}
- "Getting Real Deep Tissue" - Tiger (GM)
- "Here's 2 Coin for Letting Me Rub You Down" - Tiger (GM)
- "Gogum Fork" - Tiger (GM)
- "He's Too God Damned Pleasant" - Tiger (GM)
- "Its Nice to Have some Pleasantness Sometimes" - Bridget
- "Roll for Drunk" - Andy
- "Roll for Prowl" - Andy
- "Tawney on the Stoop" - Tiger (GM)
- "Were You Crying?" - Tiger (GM)
- "It Was that Harold Saxx" - Tiger (GM)
- "Nicest Drink in the Shittiest Shoe" - Tiger (GM)
- "Top Intern" - Tiger (GM)
- "Gone Garbarge" - Tiger (GM)
- "Real Ship with a Real Captian" - Tiger (GM)
- "Pushing the Raft" - Tiger (GM)
- "Lowest Monkey on the Totem Pole" - Tiger (GM)
- "I Will Pee My Pants" - Tiger (GM)
- "Your Plan Was to Pee Your Pants" - Tiger (GM)
- "What the Hell Is a Harp?" - Tiger (GM)
{% endalternateTitles %}
- "Getting Real Deep Tissue" - Tiger
- "Here's 2 Coin for Letting Me Rub You Down" - Tiger
- "Gogum Fork" - Tiger
- "He's Too God Damned Pleasant" - Tiger
- "Its Nice to Have some Pleasantness Sometimes" - Bridget
- "Roll for Drunk" - Andy
- "Roll for Prowl" - Andy
- "Tawney on the Stoop" - Tiger
- "Were You Crying?" - Tiger
- "It Was that Harold Saxx" - Tiger
- "Nicest Drink in the Shittiest Shoe" - Tiger
- "Top Intern" - Tiger
- "Gone Garbarge" - Tiger
- "Real Ship with a Real Captian" - Tiger
- "Pushing the Raft" - Tiger
- "Lowest Monkey on the Totem Pole" - Tiger
- "I Will Pee My Pants" - Tiger
- "Your Plan Was to Pee Your Pants" - Tiger
- "What the Hell Is a Harp?" - Tiger
{% endalternateTitles %}

32
content/episodes/s05/e28.md
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title: Small Little Goblin Person
date: 2024-10-28
---
{% prologue %}
High House Gazette
===
Now on Mondays!
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
{% timeTag date %}
## Party At High House
Leaving the isle of Siempre Tiempre, the Captain offered another stop. They came to the island of High Hill, a Tycheros settlement filled with demons, both rich and poor. Squish worked at a resteraunt and learned the recipe to Goo Gum Pork. Djuckles and Patches sailed to Deep Water Bar, where they met a familiar face-Tawny, their former intern. Using the name "Harald Sakk," the two managed the pull a prank so embarassing that Tawny immediately lost his job. They then offered Tawny his old job back, which he took.
with some minor stipulations. The captain then suggested they crash a party at High House, home to the governor of the island, and steal their treasurer and generally be a nuisance to the rich. He was particularly interested in the Black Harp. However, the three were unprepared and had no plan at all. The three ended up being captured, individually, and taken to the kitchens to be "dealt with." That's when they met Lady High Hill, daughter of the governor. She seems to know something about their plan to steal the harp. Friend or foe, who knows?
{% endprologue %}
# Alternate Titles
<div class="alternate-titles">
- _"Shes Not Really Flattered by What You Just Said"_ - Boo
- _"You're Into Her Eating You?"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"I Make It Real Fancy"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"That Sounds Like Something Poor People Eat"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Small Little Goblin Person"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Do You Want Me to Punch Her Nuts Too?"_ - Boo
- _"Never Murder Anyone"_ - Andy
- _"I Wink as I Kick Squish"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Ope, Too Late"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Opp Too Late"_ - Andy
</div>
{% alternateTitles %}
- _"Shes Not Really Flattered by What You Just Said"_ - Boo
- _"You're Into Her Eating You?"_ - Tiger
- _"I Make It Real Fancy"_ - Tiger
- _"That Sounds Like Something Poor People Eat"_ - Tiger
- _"Small Little Goblin Person"_ - Tiger
- _"Do You Want Me to Punch Her Nuts Too?"_ - Boo
- _"Never Murder Anyone"_ - Andy
- _"I Wink as I Kick Squish"_ - Tiger
- _"Ope, Too Late"_ - Tiger
- _"Opp Too Late"_ - Andy
{% endalternateTitles %}

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title: Shoot that Burnt Boy
date: 2024-11-11
---
{% prologue %}
High House Gazette
===
Another day, another arson
{% timeTag date %}
High House Gazette
===
Another day, another arson
<date>{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}</date>
## Oh Lord Jesus It's A Fire!
Somehow, the crew managed to convince Lord and Lady High Hill that they were insurance inspectors, here to inspect the security of the house. Djuckles tried to make a move on the less than impressed Lady High Hill while Squish and Patches ditched snuck off to further con her father. At one point, Djuckels had the opportunity to push the woman out of the window, but remembeing his dear Uncle Shulock's words ("Murder is wrong") he instead witheld his dark urges. Squish convinced Lord High Hill to turn over his security key. He passed it off to Patches, then went back outside. Lady High Hill, again suspicious, began climbing out the
## Oh Lord Jesus It's A Fire!
(the door was locked by a turnip.) Squish kicked her off the wall, and she landed safely, albeit on top of Djuckles. Meanwhile, Patches pulled out his best military impression and convinced the guards to let him into the vault tower. He saw the large chest, too big to carry on his own. He thought of a cunning plan, and would you believe it, he summoned Hotman to set the house ablaze. So surprise, surprise, the house is on fire again. The guards have surrounded in on the chest, and all chaos is about to break loose. Will they rescue the harp in time?
Somehow, the crew managed to convince Lord and Lady High Hill that they were insurance inspectors, here to inspect the security of the house. Djuckles tried to make a move on the less than impressed Lady High Hill while Squish and Patches ditched snuck off to further con her father. At one point, Djuckels had the opportunity to push the woman out of the window, but remembeing his dear Uncle Shulock's words ("Murder is wrong") he instead witheld his dark urges. Squish convinced Lord High Hill to turn over his security key. He passed it off to Patches, then went back outside. Lady High Hill, again suspicious, began climbing out the
{% endprologue %}
(the door was locked by a turnip.) Squish kicked her off the wall, and she landed safely, albeit on top of Djuckles. Meanwhile, Patches pulled out his best military impression and convinced the guards to let him into the vault tower. He saw the large chest, too big to carry on his own. He thought of a cunning plan, and would you believe it, he summoned Hotman to set the house ablaze. So surprise, surprise, the house is on fire again. The guards have surrounded in on the chest, and all chaos is about to break loose. Will they rescue the harp in time?
{% endprologue %}
# Alternate Titles
<div class="alternate-titles">
- _"Grey as Hell"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Hunky Guards"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Russian Roulette Masks"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Very Large Chest"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"I Like This Plan"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Bones and Delicate Wood"_ - Tiger (GM)
{% alternateTitles %}
- _"Grey as Hell"_ - Tiger
- _"Hunky Guards"_ - Tiger
- _"Russian Roulette Masks"_ - Tiger
- _"Very Large Chest"_ - Tiger
- _"I Like This Plan"_ - Tiger
- _"Bones and Delicate Wood"_ - Tiger
- _"Mother of My Future Goblin Children"_ - Boo
- _"I'm Bein' Real Easy to Throw"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Um Do I Toss Her?"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Time for some Splodables"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Blood and Thistles"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Level 2 Love Concussion"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Djuck Daddy"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Shoot that Burnt Boy"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"You Threw Me Out the Window!~"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"I'm Bein' Real Easy to Throw"_ - Tiger
- _"Um Do I Toss Her?"_ - Tiger
- _"Time for some Splodables"_ - Tiger
- _"Blood and Thistles"_ - Tiger
- _"Level 2 Love Concussion"_ - Tiger
- _"Djuck Daddy"_ - Tiger
- _"Shoot that Burnt Boy"_ - Tiger
- _"You Threw Me Out the Window!~"_ - Tiger
- _"I Forgot We Threw You Out the Window"_ - Boo
- _"I Should Get some Credit for That"_ - Andy
- _"When Theres a Fire You Juck"_ - Andy
- _"Let's Go You Little Green Goblin Man"_ - Boo
- _"I'm on the Ground Being Tussled by a Man"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"The Horribly Burned Man, I Kick Him in the Face"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"I'm on the Ground Being Tussled by a Man"_ - Tiger
- _"The Horribly Burned Man, I Kick Him in the Face"_ - Tiger
- _"I Cant Read Lady"_ - Andy
- _"The Room Is Full of Flame"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"I Repeat, It Is Made Out of Bone"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Grab the Chest Run"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"I'm Jumping Out the Window, God Damn It!"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"The Room Is Full of Flame"_ - Tiger
- _"I Repeat, It Is Made Out of Bone"_ - Tiger
- _"Grab the Chest Run"_ - Tiger
- _"I'm Jumping Out the Window, God Damn It!"_ - Tiger
- _"I'll Write to you...well You Can't read...I'LL Draw to You"_ - Boo
{% endalternateTitles%}
</div>

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title: Baked Alaska
date: 2024-11-18
---
{% prologue %}
Dark Water Weekly
==========================
No, no, don't come in here!
{{ page.date | formatDate: "EEE, MMM d yyyy" }}
{% timeTag date %}
## Fire In Your House And In Your Heart
@@ -19,15 +18,15 @@ As they made a hasty retreat, Lady High Hill warned Djuckels about the true natu
{% endprologue %}
{% alternateTitles %}
- _"I Thought It Was a Fish"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"I Got Hammocked This Morning"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"I Thought It Was a Fish"_ - Tiger
- _"I Got Hammocked This Morning"_ - Tiger
- _"The Mutiny Habits"_ - Bridget
- _"Im Just Moody"_ - Andy
- _"Trying to Cheer up Djuckles"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"He's Never Liked Any of You"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Baked Alaska"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Squishlicious over There"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"What Even Is a Shallot"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"That Was a Very Touching Moment in My Head"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Glittering From the Land"_ - Tiger (GM)
- _"Trying to Cheer up Djuckles"_ - Tiger
- _"He's Never Liked Any of You"_ - Tiger
- _"Baked Alaska"_ - Tiger
- _"Squishlicious over There"_ - Tiger
- _"What Even Is a Shallot"_ - Tiger
- _"That Was a Very Touching Moment in My Head"_ - Tiger
- _"Glittering From the Land"_ - Tiger
{% endalternateTitles %}

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override:tags: []
override:eleventyComputed: []
---
<div>
{{#each (sort collections.season)}}
<div class="card m-2">

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- "Comedy"
- "Leisure"
- "Games"
episodeCollection: episode
---

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---
layout: index
title: Crew of the Kahuna
title: Home
heroText: Crew of the Kahuna
heroImage: /images/ffgsw-dice.webp
links:
podcastRss: /feeds/podcast.xml
---
(Mis)adventure await the Crew of the Kahuna: a band of misfit heroes brawl, banter, and botch their way through various chaotic tabletop RPG universes.

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